It Was Time This Time

Posted by Dips, 15 Dec 2014

We all need love stories, we all need happy love stories to be precise. But either we have to go through many of them before meeting the one or we are lucky to meet the one at the first go!

I am no different. Like anyone else, it is sexist to say ‘like any other girl’ as even guys want a happy love life, so actually like any other person, even I have wanted a love story . But I am one of the fortunate-unfortunate ones to have experienced a few and I am clueless of what life has in store for me. The reason I call it fortunate is, because I learn from each experience and experiences make me wise and strong and help me get to know me better!

The reason I am writing after so long is because I think it will help me gain some clarity and get some closure!

I am no saint; I have ended up with people who have seemed so right till it ends. I have been in a couple of relationships, 3 major ones to be precise, won’t call childhood liking and hanging out to be a relationship!

So as I was saying, 3 relationships, invested some 5 years in them!

Would I call it a waste of time and energy? No I will not! I have learnt a lot about myself in those relationships and I have seen my darkest side!

I really believe, what goes around comes around so I have been punished when required! But I learn and come out more stable n strong! :)

This time things just happened, it wasn’t planned! It was someone who swept me off my feet and I won’t deny, he is good at it! :)

I will not stoop to a level and disregard what we had but I am glad it’s over before it was too late!

After things did not work out with the guy I was seeing in college for three years, I decided I’ll only seek fun and not get into anything serious! I decided I’ll not change who I am ever again unless I think it’s necessary, I decided I’ll not give up on people just coz my guy can’t deal with it! But am I or anyone else in love that wise?

Certainly Not!!

This relationship was a filmy story! And I want to write it all down, as a memory!

We met for five mins, the first day at a club! Met for ten minutes the following day! How? As he was my cousin brothers room-mate! Guys apparently have a bro code, Girls don’t! Surprisingly I have always had something or the other for my cousin’s friends! It’s never intentional, just happens :)

I found him cute I won’t deny, I checked him out but took my eyes off that very moment as he was my cousin’s friend! I did not want to tread the trodden path!

There was no way I was going to send him a request on Facebook, well isn’t that how all of it starts?

Had no clue of who he was and honestly did not even remember his name. I have had my share of fun in Bangalore in the first month! Fun that could embarrass me! But like I said, it’s all for the good! :) Bangalore has been trippy; I met with my first and hopefully last accident here. And then after I recovered I got a friend request from my cousin’s friend – you know to ask how I was! I was secretly excited to see his request! I don’t think I was in my desperate phase. That was over long back! We all have one and I have no qualms in accepting it! So anyway we started talking../spoke continuously for a few days…messaged continuously for hours, day in and day out! Teenage puppy love it seemed. I did not want to dive into things but I am a romantic and love to make people special. I sent him a cake and tried to pamper him on his birthday. But nothing had started between us yet…It was still in the process of sharing things…It went so smooth..talking to him, discussing my past – Effortless! I did not trust him obviously, I don’t trust people easily but I only see their positive side and turn my back on someone only if that person has been horrible to me.

Five days later it was my birthday, I wanted to be with him, he had said I love you, I refrained!!! I wanted to take my time this time. Yes, I had fallen but love is a big word. I met him the first time after fifteen days of virtual fondness! I was nervous, he was too! but it went all too smooth :)

We bonded really well, things were moving fast and like a fairy tale. He was the guy I had always wanted – smart, intelligent, responsible, chivalrous and ambitious! My cousin was not aware – why should he be? I wasn’t sure of the guy. But maybe I should have told my cousin, coz when he found out he felt betrayed! He could not channel out his anger in the right way. He couldn’t believe how his friend who has had the most adventurous roomie life with him could date his sister. My cousin bashed him up, threw him out of the house. I was upset with my brother’s reaction but I was glad my guy behaved maturely and did not react. I had told him a couple of times before to let it out to my cousin, coz now he deserved to know but my guy wasn’t ready and I needed to respect that.

We felt closer and stronger after that incident. My cousin disowned me but he is family so I knew he would come around. Things were going okay. We were managing his stay; he was going to leave the country for work. He found a cozy room close to my apartment. Things were nice, we had our fights but we never took a fight to the next day. But that incident with my cousin changed him! Ooh I forgot, he made me meet his mum, little too soon. But I met aunty n his sister.

So like I was saying, I saw a change in his behavior after that incident. He has always had an anger issue but he always kept it at bay, but now it kept coming out. He became less tolerant towards the smallest of things. I did not appreciate his loud behavior – But he was civil otherwise :)

We did go through a lot as a couple and I only thought it made us stronger but now I think my opinion was one sided. He had a trust issue! He was controlling and over possessive but I tried to reason it out. He couldn’t stand the fact that I was still in touch with people I was once upon a time involved with. He used to be with his women on and off. But it doesn’t bother me too much as long as my partner is loyal to me and has everything cleared out with the third person. I was ready to give my list up but i can’t leave certain friendships behind in a jiffy. I needed time but it was happening. I am not sure if he ever acknowledged that. But like they say, tum ungli doge toh log haath pakdenge. We mostly had a Long distance relationship and I was too honest in the relationship! You know why? I thought this was it! But all of it went in vain :(

No No I don’t want to cut the long story short! He made a mistake – I would like to believe that he was loyal to me – so don’t start thinking he cheated! but he got violent that day! He was disturbed since the incident with my cousin. No I am not defending him but I am being fair to him. He got drunk at an office party and created a scene and didn’t remember anything. He pushed me, tried hitting me but i dodged! My friends say he did hit me but I remember I dodged. He hit other guys, he got abusive but he was not in his senses becuase I would like to believe he would not do something that insane in his senses. I gave him another chance. Everyone deserves another chance. Even though my ex from college wouldn’t accept I did give him a chance – But the constant accusation made me feel guilty and my love for this new guy compelled me to give him another chance and look past that incident which he promised he would never repeat. My mum said,” Jo tumhe dhakka de sakta hai and gaali de sakta hai so early in the relationship, woh tumhe ek din maar bhi sakta hai. The nature of any human doesn’t change.”

But we are bound to go against our parents. I gave him another chance. I don’t regret it. What I learnt from my first love – the college relationship is that you should not walk out impulsively, you need to hear the person out and you need to give a chance. It is easy to preach but very difficult to practice. I am sure if my younger sister or a friend or any female would have gone through this. Big or small isn’t the question but if someone would have gone through that behavior I would have been very vocal about my opinions of the person giving another chance. But if only I was that wise and if only I wasn’t a hypocrite!

He tried to change, he really did, atleast in my eyes! I don’t know but I like to judge people based on my experiences. Yes my tolerance level is quite high but I like it that way. Things were rosy – we had our shares of fights and most of them were related to a third person. He was over possessive . He wasn’t a people’s person. I had thought he was. I really did think. But I realized, he had a huge ego and lot of attitude. One way he was correct. Too many people meaning too much time waste! But I am a peoples person! And I hated restrictions. Since he was out of the country he said we would have a talk once he got back. My behavior pissed him off; behavior likes visiting friends home, even if there were girls around. He did not like people coming over to my place – even though I wasn’t the only one paying rent. He did not like me being in touch with anyone I was emotionally or physically ever involved with. Let’s get a little less hypocrite and accept it. We all do have moments. I had my share as well! But that is the only thing I found reasonable. So i tried cutting off but not my fault if the guys still messaged me coz I did share a friendship with them. I was vulnerable once upon a time. But I wasn’t anymore. I felt stable and secure. I am still stable gladly :)

It wasn’t just the people I was involved with in my past, later it was a childhood friend. Without knowing jack shit about my friend and how innocent our friendship was he disliked him as my friend dared to suggest me to buy a particular top. My guy couldn’t tolerate someone else suggesting me things in his presence. But I did not learn anything from it, I mean I started having the attitude that I can avoid this friend when my guy is around, friends are understanding and this one definitely would. I did not take this incident negatively as I felt this was it!

I think I made one mistake! I wouldn’t find anything unethical about it but here it goes. An old friend of mine, a senior was in the vicinity at a late hour. I invited him home at around midnight. But I wasn’t alone at home. My roomie and her boyfriend were home too and I requested them to be awake when my friend was visiting as I did not want to give him any wrong signals. He was home for an hour. We were catching up – yes not a perfect time but what the hell. He treats me like a junior anyway…AND I was committed!! My guy fought with me over it and I wasn’t in the mood to take all this crap. I became cold that day. But he realized he over reacted atleast that is what he made me feel. He said we will have THE TALK when he gets here. I was ready for the talk. A relationship will run smooth if things are mutual. Both have to compromise. It can’t be a one sided effort. So anyway, we sailed through all of this. We started speaking about being together forever, about marriage! I agree it was too soon but I was blinded and maybe he was too. We were not compatible. He wanted to clip my wings but I think I am very loyal and confident about my loyalty and don’t think my wings need to be clipped.

He got back, I forgot all about the talk coz he was here! I was happy and excited! I missed his presence! I missed having him by my side. I really did miss him a lot. But that bubble only last for 7 days more. We were six months old and no I am not a teenager, I am twenty four. But love does that to you :) He couldn’t keep his violent streak away. I am glad he could not. He got drunk and this time he hit me, held me hard and hurt me. I got bruised. But you know what? I am glad it happened now than later. Coz something tells me. Women are very strong they can accept these things as well. I am glad I did not reach that stage ! Yes to the onlookers it will seem stupid. But to the women who go through this, its acceptance of a man’s dark side. I am a stronger person. The first thing I did was asked him to leave, without caring how drunk he was. This wasn’t the first time so he did not deserve my sympathy and care. He has a sister as well, I wonder, how can’t he not respect women?

The first person I called when all this happened was my cousin. I needed family even though my roomie more than a sister was by my side. I was scared for us. He was not in control. I have always been lucky to have people who have got my back. Not that I am dependent on them but I am glad they are who they are! I know one day he will realise his mistake even though he is in a state of denial but he will. He is a good human being who has become something because of situations. I reconciled with my cousin. He is pissed at me still, but he is family and I know he will come around.

For some reason, this piece of writing has helped me get a closure. I feel so strong as a person at this moment. And what I want to conclude is that maybe it’s not his fault. He has anger issues and he will learn to control it one day hopefully. He made it very evident of what he wanted. He demanded too much importance in too little time. He did not see my efforts and it’s human. He could not digest that I was loyal to him. I don’t blame him completely as he has had a bitter past of being cheated on twice. I’ll give him that benefit of doubt. I forgive him even though it will take me sometime to come out of it. He loved me and tried his best, but his expectations were too many and restricting someone and raising a hand at your loved ones is not acceptable. He has taught me some good things like focusing on things that are important. I have been very callous and laid back. He had tried his best to guide me and I will always love that! I know being friends with too many people is a waste of time, but life needs to take its natural course. He taught me the importance of being focused and I will definitely execute it. No, it does not mean people and friendships are a waste of time but prioritizing is important and I will try my best to prioritize.

Everything happens for a reason and the reason is always the silver lining! I could have given him another chance but now my vices tell me that it would have happened yet again! I wish the best for him and hold no grudges. He tried his best. So this time it was time!

Parting ways is difficult but loving oneself is most important! And like they say, what does not kill you only makes you stronger!

So here I am, STRONGER and more POSITIVE :)

I shared my story. Write yours. Keep sharing.